Big Changes

We leave today for some time down south with family and when we return, Little Boy starts preschool. I had been so nonchalant about the whole thing, since this program is just two mornings a week and he was in full-time daycare for over a year. I was mostly thinking about how he'll enjoy the social interaction, and how they will be better than I am about giving him an outlet for all that energy, and how it will be nice to have some alone time with Baby Girl, and (selfishly) how much I will enjoy having a few quiet hours during my week. I just assumed that he would enjoy it and that he won't be afraid or lonely or anxious.

But then Mr. SiA and I went to the Parent Orientation Night this week and I realized that my first baby is going to PRESCHOOL. Suddenly all these doubts washed over me - will he like his teacher, will she like him, will he get along with the other kids, will he have fun, will he freak out during the morning drop off, is this The Right Thing? Mostly I know it is, I know that he is more than ready developmentally, I know that I can trust God with him even when he is out of my reach, I know that God directed us to a good preschool - but this sense of nostalgia and anxiety really snuck up on me.

I think the reason it was such a shock is that Little Boy and I have not been on the best terms the last few weeks. His Three-ness has continued to be a challenge - one that I am addressing with varying levels of grace and patience, to put it mildly. We are still - STILL - struggling to get him potty-trained. Four months later. It's to the point that he will only tell Daddy (if Daddy's home) that he has pooped in his training pants. And temper tantrums. And whining. And demanding. And endless noise of all kinds (talking, yelling, car noises, animal noises, machine noises, humming, singing, jokes, sirens...). And now some serious jealousy issues with Baby Girl. I know, on an intellectual level, that he is going through a totally normal phase of development and that I am not dealing with anything that other mothers don't have to handle. But I can't say that I'm really enjoying it right now, and I walk away from many interactions with Little Boy feeling like I've failed in some way. Which is why I was surprised at how sad it made me to think of him going away to preschool in a few weeks.

Baby Girl has hit a big milestone of her own recently - she is weaned from breast feeding. I had intended to go a full year with her, but she had her own plans. She started losing interest a few months ago, and it was to the point that she wouldn't even stay latched on long enough to trigger let-down any more. On one level, I was sad to let it go - it was a sign that the end of her baby stage is coming soon, and there's no telling whether any more babies are in our future. On another level though, I was pretty happy to get that last bit of my body back. My main source of angst about her weaning comes from the fact that it happened before Little Boy is potty trained. That just doesn't seem right.

But now it's time to go get both kiddos dressed and in the car - Beach, here we come!